


all's fair in love and war

by ghostmermaid



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, it's nerf or nothin, it's not relevant to the plot but she does, juniper and dagwood also make an appearance, toni has adhd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26651767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostmermaid/pseuds/ghostmermaid
Summary: “War is hell,” Toni tells Juniper, breathing heavily. “I mean, heck.”two months into quarantine, toni comes home with nerf guns.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Comments: 11
Kudos: 96





	all's fair in love and war

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off of a tweet i made earlier about choni fighting with nerf guns. people told me to write the fic, and for once, i listened! who knew you could have an idea and just sit down and write it?? not me! 
> 
> this wasn't beta read so if you see any mistakes simply look away :)
> 
> (also i come up with lots of fun headcanons on my twitter @starrytopaz so you should totally follow aha *shameless plug*)

“Retreat, retreat!” Toni cries, scooping Juniper up in her arms to shield her from the assault of foam darts. The little girl giggles as Toni runs around the corner into the living room.

“War is hell,” Toni tells Juniper, breathing heavily. “I mean, heck.”

She peeks her head out from behind the wall, and immediately pulls back as a dart whizzes past her head.

“Give it up, Topaz,” Cheryl cackles evilly from the top of the stairs. “I have the high ground!”

“Okay, Obi-Wan!” Toni yells back.

“I don’t know what that is but I’m taking it as an insult!” 

“It’s not but you should!”

Toni gently places Juniper on the ground. “Stay here, Juni. Guard our ammo,” she instructs, handing Juniper a casing of foam darts. “I’m gonna get us some cover, okay?”

“Otay!” Juniper repeats, clutching the darts happily. 

Toni kisses her on the head, then moves to the couch and starts stripping it of cushions and pillows.

“Can you believe it?” she asks Juniper, watching the two year old play with the container of darts. "I’m being shot at by my own girlfriend. How did it ever come to this???”

_“Toni, what is that?”_

_Toni sets the large bags on the floor as Cheryl puts away the rest of the groceries. “Nerf guns?” she answers with a small grin._

_Cheryl rolls her eyes. “I sent you out to get essentials. Those are_ not _essentials.”_

_“They were on sale!” Toni defends. “And we’ve been so bored lately, I thought we could have fun.”_

_“T.T., those are toys. For children,” Cheryl deadpans. Regardless of her distaste, she sprays the bag and its contents with her can of disinfectant spray. Gotta be safe. “We’re both adults.”_

_“Pleeeeease?” Toni whines, grabbing Cheryl’s hand. “We’re technically still teenagers. And it could be fun for Juniper and Dagwood too. Please just play with me a little bit?” She gives Cheryl her best puppy dog eyes. No one can resist those._

_“Fine,” Cheryl sighs._ Ha, success! _“But after lunch. And go wash your hands and put your clothes to wash.” She wrinkles her nose. “Now I have to wash_ my _hands again.”_

_Toni smiles brightly and kisses Cheryl on the cheek, ignoring her girlfriend’s squawk of protest and she darts down the hall, laughing joyfully._

“Ready to surrender yet?” Cheryl taunts. She had managed to claim the upstairs as her own, and built a barricade out of furniture and pillows, effectively trapping Toni downstairs. It's all very french revolution-y.

“Viva la révolution!” Toni cries as she pushes an armchair into the foyer. Cheryl immediately starts shooting, but Toni quickly ducks behind it. 

“Hey! Don’t make _me_ the bad guy!” Cheryl protests, ceasing her fire.

“You’re the one who speaks like french royalty! Plus, Dagwood always bites,” Toni darts out from her cover back into the living room. “I’m coming for your head, Marie Antoinette!”

“Your name is _literally_ Antoinette!”

Clutching her gun, Toni sticks out her arm and fires blindly at Cheryl. Not to hit her, just to make a point. 

She starts pushing the cushions out to lean against the armchair, avoiding the darts by using a pillow as a shield.

“ _Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men!_ ” Toni sings teasingly as she gets more cushions. 

“You’re so annoying!”

“ _It is the music of a people who will NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!!!_ ”

“Here, Daggie,” she hears Cheryl coo. “Do you want to shoot auntie Toni?” 

Toni gasps dramatically. “Turning my own nephew against me?? How could you?!?”

“That’s just the toll of war, T.T.” Cheryl says. Toni can see the top of her head peeking out from behind the barricade. Coward. “You started it!”

_“Okay, if we’re going to do this, we need some rules,” Cheryl says, inspecting the bright red nerf gun in her hands. Toni had bought it specifically for her. “First, no headshots. And no shooting at the twins.”_

_“Obviously,” Toni balances Juniper on her hip, the toddler playing with her neon green nerf gun. “And we’ll split the ammo evenly.”_

_“So how do you win?” Cheryl asks. Dagwood clings to her leg, whining, so she bends down and picks him up._

_Toni furrows her brow. “What do you mean? I thought this was just for fun.”_

_“We’re playing a game, so there must be a way to win,” Cheryl shrugs as Dagwood pulls at her hair. “Ow.” She winces. “Daggie, stop.”_

_Oh no. Playing for fun is one thing, but playing to win? Toni smiles. She knows both of them are extremely competitive. This is going to be_ fun.

_“How about whoever gains the most territory?” she offers. “We try to corner each other, and we win when the other is pinned.”_

_Cheryl smirks. “Oh, this will be easy. I know how much you love being_ pinned _.”_

_“Cheryl, the twins are right here.”_

“Liberté, égalité, uhhh, fraternity!” Toni shouts from behind her now fully constructed fortress. She tickles Juniper’s belly, causing the little redhead to laugh.

“It’s _fraternité_!” Cheryl yells back. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, we still have you pinned!”

“Don’t worry, Juni,” Toni whispers to the toddler. “I have a plan.” 

She pops up above the cushions, hands on her hips. “You know I took spanish!” Cheryl fires, and she ducks back down. 

“See, Juni? We’re going to draw her fire, and then when she’s all out of ammo, that’s when we charge,” Toni grins smugly. 

“Charge!” Juniper cheers.

Toni smiles brightly. This is exactly what they needed, just a day to have carefree fun. Being cooped up together had been nice at first, but after two months of isolation their endearing habits had started to become annoying. Toni has an excess of restless ADHD energy with no outlet, and Cheryl can only clean the house from top to bottom so many times before they die from the chemical fumes. What better way to relieve tension and boredom than shooting each other with toy guns?

Speaking of…

Toni hops up again, sticking out her tongue and blowing a raspberry at Cheryl and Dagwood. But to her surprise, she’s not assaulted with darts this time.

“I know what you’re doing, and it won’t work!” Cheryl calls out, smiling wickedly at Toni. “We’re too smart for that, right Daggie?” Another, smaller redhead pops up, and Toni glares dramatically at Dagwood’s joyful face.

Damn it.

She drops down dejectedly. “Dang, they figured us out,” she sighs, and Juniper gives her a confused face. “We need a new plan. Any ideas?”

Juniper just stares at her with wide eyes. 

“Come on, lieutenant, work with me here!”

A squeak from the dining room draws her attention, and Toni turns to see Nana Rose getting a glass of water. Nana is neutral ground.

Suddenly an idea pops in Toni’s head.

“Look, Juni, it’s Nana!” Toni says, pointing to Nana Rose. “Do you want to go to Nana?” Juniper babbles excitedly, and Toni gently steers her into the kitchen. “Go to Nana, Juni!”

Once Juniper is safely with Nana, Toni dashes after her into the dining room.

“What are you planning, T.T.?” she hears Cheryl shout. 

“Don’t worry about it!” she calls out. 

As quietly as she can, Toni opens the door to the conservatory and slips inside. She quickly makes her way over to the exit, the unfiltered sunlight hitting her as she steps outside.

Wow, it’s a beautiful day. They should play outside next time. 

She doesn’t have time to lose, so Toni runs to the side of the house to where she knows their bedroom window is. The trellis that she used to sneak inside before Cheryl kicked her mother out is still there. She smirks. 

Tucking her gun into the waistband of her sweatpants, Toni grabs on to the trellis and places her foot on it, pushing herself up. It creaks slightly under her weight, but holds and she begins to climb up. Toni is glad she has so much experience climbing fences.

Suddenly, the toy gun slips past her waistband, falling down her pants. Toni’s eyes widen, but it stops as it hits the cinched ankle of her sweatpants. She sighs in relief. Thank god for cinched ankles.

The screen squeaks a little when she opens it, but luckily Cheryl is far enough down the hall to not hear it. Toni carefully pulls herself inside, then bends down to fish the gun out of her pants. 

Not her most graceful entrance, but whatever.

Her socked feet make little noise as she sneaks down the hall. Cheryl and Dagwood are peering over the barricade, clearly looking for her. Toni draws her gun with a mischievous smile on her face, but then a better thought pops into her head. 

“Sneak attack!!!” she cries, pouncing on Cheryl. Cheryl shrieks in surprise as Toni pins her to the ground and assaults her face with kisses.

“Stop, stop!” Cheryl protests, laughing loudly as Toni continues to pepper kisses all over her face and tickle her sides. “Okay, okay! I surrender!!”

“Ha _ha_ !” Toni sits up on Cheryl, grinning triumphantly. “How’s _that_ for pinned?” she says smugly.

Cheryl giggles, her cheeks flushed. “You little cheater,” she mumbles, placing her hand on the back of Toni’s head and pulling her down, capturing her lips in a sweet kiss.

“Mmm, I love you,” Toni hums against Cheryl’s lips.

“I love you, mon tresór,” Cheryl replies, stroking Toni’s face with love in her eyes. Toni leans down for another kiss.

Then, she hears a click and something bounces against her stomach. She gasps. 

“You _shot_ me?!?” Beneath her, Cheryl gives her an evil smile, holding her gun.

Toni flops backwards dramatically. “I’ve been hit!” she cries, clutching her stomach. “Betrayed by my own love!!!”

Cheryl squirms out from under her and scoops up the giggling Dagwood. “All's fair in love and war!” she exclaims, hopping over the barricade and running down the stairs, laughing maniacally. 

“Hey, get back here!” Toni jumps to her feet, steps over the barricade _carefully_ (she’s fallen down these stairs before. Not fun.) and chases after Cheryl. “Where’s Juni? This isn’t fair, I’m out numbered!” she whines. “Nana, help me!”

“Ha, you’re the one who gave your teammate away!” Cheryl taunts, shooting at her again and running away. 

Toni chases after her love, laughing gleefully. 

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me for juniper's dialogue. i don't know how two year olds work :/
> 
> i just realized this if my first non-angst choni fic omfg. anyway, i hope you enjoyed it! :D


End file.
